Thoughts on relationships…
It will change your life (at least the way you react to situations).
What is this principle?
10% of life is made up of what happens to you.
90% of life is decided by how you react.
What does this mean?
We really have no control over 10% of what happens to us.
- We cannot stop the car from breaking down.
- The plane will be late arriving, which throws our whole schedule off.
- A driver may cut us off in traffic.
We have no control over this 10%.
The other 90% is different. You determine that other 90%.
By your reaction. You cannot control a red light, but you can control your reaction to it. Don’t let people fool you; you CAN control how you react.
Let’s use an example:
You are eating breakfast with your family. Your daughter knocks over a cup of coffee onto your business shirt. You have no control over what just happened.
What happens next will determine by how you react.
You curse. You harshly scold your daughter for knocking the cup over. She breaks down in tears. After scolding her, you turn to your spouse and criticize her for placing the cup too close to the edge of the table. A short verbal battle follows. You storm upstairs and change your shirt. Back downstairs, you find that your daughter has been too busy crying to finish breakfast and get ready for school. She misses the bus. Your spouse must leave immediately for work. You rush to the car and drive your daughter to school. Because you are late, you drive 40 miles per hour in a 30 mile per hour speed limit zone. After a 15 minute delay and a cost of a $60 traffic fine, you arrive at school. Your daughter runs into the building without saying goodbye. After arriving at the office 20 minutes late, you find you had forgotten your briefcase. Your day has started terrible. As it continues, it seems to get worse and worse. You look forward to coming home. When you arrive home, you find a small wedge in your relationship with your spouse and daughter.
Because of how you reacted in the morning.
Why did you have a bad day?
A. Did the coffee cause it?
B. Did your daughter cause it?
C. Did the policeman cause it?
D. Did you cause it?
The answer is “D”.
You had no control over what happened with the coffee. How you reacted in those 5 seconds is what caused your bad day.
Here is what could have and should have happened:
Coffee sloshes over you. Your daughter is about to cry. You gently say, “It’s okay, honey, you just need to be more careful next time.” Grabbing a towel, you rush upstairs. After grabbing a new shirt and your briefcase, you come back down in time to look through the window and see your child getting on the bus. She turns and waves. You arrive 5 minutes early and cheerfully greet the staff. Your boss comments on how good the day is that you are having.
Notice the difference?
Two different scenarios. Both started the same. Both ended differently.
Because of how YOU reacted. You really do not have any control over 10% of what happens. The other 90% was determined by your reaction.
Here are some ways to apply to 90/10 Principle.
If someone says something negative about you, don’t be a sponge. Let the attack roll off like water on a glass. You don’t have to let the negative comment affect you. React properly and it will not ruin your day.
A wrong reaction could result in losing a friend, being fired, getting stressed out, etc.
How do you react if someone cuts you off in traffic? Do you lose your temper? Pound the steering wheel? A friend of mine had the steering wheel shatter. Do you curse? Does your blood pressure skyrocket? Do you try and bump them? Who cares if you arrive ten seconds later at work?
Remember the 90/10 Principle, and do not worry about it.
You are told you lost your job. Why lose sleep and get irritated? It will work out. Use your worrying energy and time in finding another job.
The plane is late. It is going to mangle your schedule for the day. Why take out your frustration on the flight attendant? She has no control over what is going on. Use your time to study; get to know another passenger.
Why get stressed out? It will just make things worse.
Now you know the 90/10 principle. Apply it and you will be amazed at the results. You will lose nothing if you try it. The 90/10 Principle is incredible. Very few know and apply this principle.